On My Last Nerve

Sunday night I fell down. I slipped on the ice in front of my house and I never saw it coming. One second I'm standing, the next on on my butt in snow. (I did not land on my belly, whew).

Am I being tested in some really screwed up way?

Thankfully, I didn't have any problems from the fall (knock on wood). When I told dh, he wanted to take me right to the ER. Which, if anything hadn't seemed right, I would have gone. But I didn't have any pain, any contractions, any bleeding, ect. My butt and my wrist hurt but the baby and all seemed fine.

I cannot go to the ER if it can be helped. I almost had a panic attack just thinking about going.

Sunday night I rested and I called the doctor first thing Monday morning. First off, the nurse made me feel like a complete and total jerk. She said, "You fell? What happened? What were you doing??" I happen to know of several other pregnant women who fell also. I can't be the first person ever to fall while pregnant in that office. I was worried sick, I was convinced I hurt the baby and I was sure I was going into labor at any moment. I didn't need her attitude.

Baby was very active Sunday night and Monday so they didn't need to see me. I have my crappy "heart listener" and I could hear and feel her moving around so I knew she was okay. But yesterday I really was a mess - I waited all day for something bad to happen and thank GOD, it never did.

Today I'm still a wreck but I'm feeling a bit better. I have the appt and ultrasound tomorrow (again, thank GOD!) so I just have to make it through today to get to the baby tomorrow. I'm trying to push all of the bad thoughts out of my head that I hurt (or worse) the baby or the placenta. It's scary but I really feel okay. Just stupid beyond belief.

Of course, my fall also brought on all kinds of thoughts like What was I thinking? Did I really think I'd get to have a baby afterall? I just don't know how much more my nerves can take.

So for now, I think I'm fine. Baby's not as active today but I've gotten a few kicks here and there. Her pattern seems to be two busy days followed by several slower days.

I just want everything to be okay tomorrow.