23 Weeks and Counting

Well, well. I can't describe my lack of interest in my own blog latley. I have been reading my Internet friend's blogs, I just can't get into my own. Part of it, I think, is that I have no idea to put into words how I'm feeling. One minute I'm confident and fine. The next I'm paranoid and scared. It's a strange feeling.

All in all, my pregnancy is going well. My next doctor's appt is tomorrow. I'm relieved since I have a list of questions to ask her. I'm having some weird pains in my tummy - not pain, really, almost like a side stich but in the front of my stomach. My belly's big and I've had to go up in size with my maternity pants. I like it but it's weird at the same time.

I made it through my 21st week. WHEW. I felt like I was holding my breath the whole time. Now, I'm 23 weeks! Almost to the 6th month mark. That's been my big goal and I can't believe I've almost made it.

On the other hand, it's almost the one year anniversary of losing my baby boy. The day after Christmas, of all days. I can't help but think of what things would be like if everything bad hadn't happened. My anxiety is worse now, I'm sure, and I'm terrifed of going into labor early. I'm hoping that after the New Year, I'll be able to focus on the future and I'll have put this tough time behind me.

I am staying positive, though and that seems to be helping. We have decided on a name for the baby - her name will be Kathryn. I love it! We ordered her crib and it's in! We're going to pick it up next week and store it unti we get her room cleaned out. I want to have things ready for my baby shower so we can move everything in soon after. It's exciting and as crazy as I feel right now, things feel right.

More to come tomorrow after my drs appt!!