Deflated

I feel like someone has sucked the air right out of me today. I feel deflated and discouraged. I think it's because this cycle is apparently going to be longer than I thought it would be. Which means next month will most likely be too. I know it doesn't seem like a big deal, but the extra days and weeks add up and that makes getting to "try"further away and I hate that.

Still nothing with the OPKs. I gotta be getting close here though. Today is CD17 so please, ovaries, send me +++ soon. I don't really feel like I have any reason to be feeling this way. I guess it's just one of *those* kinda days.

I feel like a broken record. Negative OPK. Wants desperately to be pregnant. Really wants to start trying. Nothing from the doctor. Misses baby boy. Feels guilty, sad and is having an off day. I'm like a classified ad gone bad.

Vixanne from A Different Child is pregnant. I'm so happy for her. I think its because her story gives me hope. See - you CAN get pregnant. I'm totally jealous. But I hope to be there soon too. I can right now only imagine all of things she must be feeling. I want nothing more than to be feeling all of that too. And I want to feel that way now. But yes, I'm waiting and I'm hanging onto every detail from you, Vixanne, in the meantime. So there!

I'm sure things will be different when I'm pregnant but I've started writing a list for pregnant-again me. I like to think of it as my list from myself, as I was before - the "naive and I didn't even know it me". Actually, I'll get it together and post it so maybe someone will have something to add to it. It does help though - I really feel like the only thing I can do from all of this is learn. It seems to be the hard way but it's how I feel I can take something good from everything that's been so sad.

And next time, can I learn things the easy way? Thank you.