Do I Break Down and Buy One?

I'm thinking about buying a BBT. I'm not sure if these OPKs are going to work or if it's just me. I haven't done the temp thing yet because...well, I'm afraid I'll make myself crazy. Maybe I will. But I'm making myself crazy as it is. I had *no* idea it would take this long in my cycle to get a positive OPK. I also I had no idea I'd be this obsessed with it. Now I want to get a positive very soon - so I can prove to myself that I can.

As if I have a choice in all of this.

So do I buy a BBT? Do I start temping?? I'm trying to also check my CM and relate it to my fertility signs but quite honestly, I don't think I'm getting any signs. I also don't know anything about temping. Sure, I've read (and joined even!) Fertility Friend.com but I guess I'm going to have to really read it all if I'm going to start temping. I'm sure I'll have to make a decision by my next CD1, especially since we're really trying then. So that gives me, oh, at least 2 more weeks.

Dh and I watched a CSI we had Tivoed last night. Two of the women in the episode were using BBTs. I wasn't in the room but DH asked me about it so I told him. This morning I was taking my temperature because I feel like I'm getting sick and he asked me if I was using a BBT. He's so cute. Maybe that was a sign.

I've also been thinking about a couple of other things. For one, jinxes. I don't believe in jinxes. Dh and I agreed not to make our first trip to the baby store until I was 12 weeks. We did it. Then we agreed not to register until the day we found out the sex of our baby. We did that too. We didn't buy any baby stuff, we didn't discuss names until after 12 weeks, we didn't tell family until Christmas Day (oddly, the day before our baby died). So, if we did all of that and we still lost our baby, then that means we couldn't have jinxed ourselves. If we were that careful, that aware of making sure we made it to our "safe" times and we still had something bad happen, then what else could we have done? I don't think much of anything that would have jinxed us.

Knock on wood.

The other thing is something that Vixanne mentioned on her blog. Her therapist told her to make her second (and current!) pregnancy different than her first. That makes sense to me, even though I hadn't really thought about it. I'm going to do that. I'm also wondering if I should do that for TTC this time. I'm already doing things differently and it is kind of nice.

1-I'm keeping a journal, but a different kind - notes about my cycle, ect. More technical stuff than I did last time. 2-I'm not on the same message boards as last time. 3-I'm using OPKs (okay, not so nice but when they work they'll be my new best friends. 4-I'm already taking prenatal vitamins (which, yes, were for my pregnancy but I feel good taking them knowing they're working ahead of time this time around) 5-I'm giving up caffeine (tomorrow, eeks!) and alcohol.

Oh, I'm going to buy a BBT so I should stop debating about it. Now I'm going to need help learning it. And not becoming obsessed. That, my friends, is the tricky part!