Isn't it Ironic?

I only used one OPK today and wouldn't ya know - it was positive. There it was, my glorious second line - not only there, but actually darker than the control line. Ovulation, here I come. And I can't do a damn thing with it right now. Isn't it ironic?

I also think it's ironic that it was positive today since I'm having such a rough weekend. Since the news on Friday of my mutation, I've been miserable. I'm upset, I feel disappointed and I shouldn't even be in this position to boot. My dh is so patient with me and some of my wonderful online friends have helped by telling me about their mutations. It does help and I'm actually glad to hear I'm not the only person to have this.

I've been feeling alone more these days - I don't feel like anyone knows how I'm feeling. Even dh. As wonderful as is and as supportive, he's still a guy and therefore can't understand my feelings. I know that and so does he. I kind of feel like everyone around me has moved on but I haven't, I'm still grieving. I don't really care since it's me and my feeling and I'm taking my time but it is frustrating to think that I'm on this crappy roller coaster totally alone.

As much as I don't want to be self-diagnosing, I have Googled my "mutation" and I still can't make any sense of it. Will I see an RE? Will I be put on baby aspirin and heparin shots? Can I have a baby? Will this cause me to be more likely to miscarry again? I have so many questions. I really hope I get an appointment with the genetic counselor soon because honestly, I'm going to make myself crazy.

I also have to call Nice Nurse on Monday to find out the biggest question of all - when can we start TTC? Originally Dr. K told me two cycles but that was before my mutation diagnosis. I think that's the kicker - that after all the waiting...waiting for my cycle to return, then waiting for the second cycle, waiting to ovulate...waiting, waiting, waiting. I'm so close but now it seems so far away.

It's all so very ironic. I'm tired of waiting, I'm frustrated and I'm tired of the questions. Ugh.