Rainy Day Update

Yesterday I got a baby card in the mail. Except it wasn't meant for me. It was an honest mistake - there's another Amanda in my group of friends who had a baby girl last month and it was a card from her card shower. It was weird because on the front was a rattle - I'm thinking to myself "Boy, that looks like a rattle". Then I open it and it's definitely not for me but it says "Congratulations on your baby girl!". I actually didn't cry until later but thank God it was not a card for a baby boy.

I'm not feeling like myself these days. The last week or so I've been dreading Sunday - it should have been my baby shower. I've known about the date of it since the week I told my family I was pregnant. It's something I, and our families, have looked forward to since we got married. Now it's just another day that is empty. It's a sad, empty feeling. This week I should be looking forward to it and I should be seeing all of my families and friends together for something happy to celebrate. Instead, I'm dreading it.

I think that has been keeping me sad these days. I knew it was coming and it's been on my mind. I'm disappointed that I can't be happy now and that my baby isn't here. All things I'm trying to deal with but it's difficult and complicated.

Today is CD23 for me. This cycle it doesn't mean much but hopefully my cycles will be somewhat normal so we can start TTC in April as planned. I'm hoping my cycles are 28-30 days, which they were before. With everything my body's been through, who knows. Next week I should have cycle #2 so who knows. The OPKs are burning a whole in the bathroom cabinet! I'm definitely going to try them out next month, just to see if they work and if I'm ovulating.

Tomorrow I have to call Nice Nurse to check in and see if they've gotten copies of the test results and reports from the other hospital. It'll be a week tomorrow since I called. I think that's plenty of time to get them 30 miles to my OB's office. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that things will progress easily - maybe in the next two weeks I can get the blood tests done so we can get answers, if anything is wrong with me but again, I doubt there is.

Onto other non-baby related news in my life. I've decided to start putting some time and energy into training our dog. She's an almost-one-year-old yellow lab. She's a handful but I love her! We went through 8 weeks of training when she was 16 weeks old but it's time for more training again. I've gotten out the clicker to work with on clicker training (it's awesome!) so we'll see. I also want to get her into an agility class. I'm also trying to get things in my life organized...my desk, my office, our closets, ect. It keeps me busy and my mind off things.

Dum, dum, dum. Just trying to pass the time these days!