A Year Overdue

Wow has it been a long time since I've posted! I think about this blog & those of my "blogger" friend often. Now that it seems as though everyone is having yet another baby, it reminds me even more of what I've been through & the journeys of others here online.

Here's the very quick update on what's going on with me.

*BabyK is now ToddlerK as she's 22 months old. It's CRAZY to think that I have an almost two year old. It seems like really not all that long ago I was pregnant & then had her. Time is going by so fast, too fast, really.

*She is the most wonderful, amazing little person on the Earth. She's well behaved (minus the random tantrums!), exceptionally smart (she knows all the letters) and so very cute (I take responsibility for that). She's healthy, happy & an all around total joy in my life.

*Being a mother is the most rewarding feeling that I can't even begin to describe. It's also the most challenging but I like to think I'm somewhat good at it. Sometimes.

Overall, things are very very well. We have our moments where I think life with a toddler is actually harder than life with a newborn but all-in-all, I'm loving every second of it.

I have to say that as time goes on, I can feel the change in myself that happens not only as a mother but as a person. I am not the person I was even a year ago. I hope it's for the better. As the challenges of parenting change, I feel I change too. Right now, I'm struggling with finding a balance to accept parts of my life the way it is (perfection is no longer a word in my vocabulary; getting to bed before midnight takes a huge effort on my part; eating healthy and not snacking 24/7 takes a LOT of willpower & planning) ect ect ect.

Since this is my blog about my past, I do have to say that it's been 3 years since we lost our first baby & although time does help heal, you never ever ever forget. In fact, I think as much about our first baby now as I did back when we were going through it all. A day doesn't go by that I don't think of him. I still miss him very, very much.

Being around pregnant women is the nature of the beast these days. I'm involved with mom's groups and there are dozens of women I know who are pregnant. I have friends who have fertility issues, friends who've had miscarriages, friends who have one child but cannot have another....it's quite a diverse group of mothers. I'm pretty open about what happened to me - most people know although most don't ask. My husband still refers to our loss as "what happened 3 years ago" and not that we lost a baby.

I should clarify that we do want another baby in a few years! I'm not a point right now where getting & being pregnant is something I could handle. I'm just not there yet and neither is DH. And that's okay with me. I was the last of my friends to have baby #1; I'll probably be the last to have baby #2 as well. Someday we'll be tryingyetagain....again.

I hope everyone is Blogland is doing wonderful & everyone is healthy and as happy as can be.
Happy 2008! I promise to update more often and check on my friends here more often too.